Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
