Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
