I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
