I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
