He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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