We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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