Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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