my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
