"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
