"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
