My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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