I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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