it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
