It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
