What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
