the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
