So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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