i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
