I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
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If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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