Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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