will power is for people who don't want to get laid
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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