So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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