Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
