I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
