That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
