dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
