Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
