my sisters under your porch take her home
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
