you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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