He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
