i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
