Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
