If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
