i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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