i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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