Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
