god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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