I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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