Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
