I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
