let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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