Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
