new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize