Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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