you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
