i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to align my fucking chakras
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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