those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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