moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
