Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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