About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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