I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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