Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The uberlube is also flammable
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
