I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
