Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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