my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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