I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
