There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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