I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
