I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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