Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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