Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
