Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sobbing to NWA
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
