The maid of honor just puked.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
