You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
