You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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