Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize