the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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