why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
