Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Green mimosas i think yes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
