he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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