Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
