You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
