I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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