I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
