Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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